I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
love makes seman taste better
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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