some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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