Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
