i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
