Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
