See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
