Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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