I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
