you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
