What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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