$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
