I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
