Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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