I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found the puke drawer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
