he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
