we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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