R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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