"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
