i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
