Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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