end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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