I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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