Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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