I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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