omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
