Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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