The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
