She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
