I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
