before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
