There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
