Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
