I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
