just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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