Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
