so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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