do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
