I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
