I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
