3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
