You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
