If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
