wat bout pragnant strippers??
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
