Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You dont lie about slip and slides
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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