from now on my penis is your penis
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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