He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
