Christians are straight up FREAKS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
