waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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