its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
