I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
