I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
