I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
