I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
