i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
