You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
