just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
