I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
