Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
