I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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